Insanity of My Mind
Doing the things I do not want to do
Telling myself no, I am not, all the while I am
Tired, frustrated, fed up I want to explode
I look in the mirror and nausea sets in when I see the stranger within
This internal battle has me on edge
Easily tempered and rage rears its ugly head
Try to swallow nails and smile
I think to speak kindly
But venomous strikes come out
My hearts yearns to apologize
Pride steps in takes my voice away
Distance of mind is between me and God
Blindness is no more, fully seeing its effect
I hear a voice within screaming, “Come to Me”
Life: family, demands, obligations, and hobbies
Drown out the screams within
I bow my head in shame
Hit my pillow saying tomorrow will be a better day
Getting worse day by day
Weight is a feeling within
Quickly sinking, staring at the life saver above
I reach and kick but to no effect
I look and see people all around
Scarred from childhood
Keeps everyone at a distance
Hard to let people in
Loneliness a feeling within
The accuser accuses
Failure is a hard pill to swallow
I want to cuss, scream, and find myself at the bottom of a bottle
Worthless is a feeling from within
Knowing where I need to go
Confused as to why I have not gone
Need to move, nothing stops
Deeper and deeper I go
Starting to fear the point of no return
Doubting my ability to get back
My dilemma is to fight or die
What’s at stake?
Anger builds
Desire to physically take up arms but can’t
It’s spiritual not physical
It’s hard is to release my anger on my knees
It’s hard to serve others
It’s hard staying obedient in society of self indulgence
It’s hard to see what is not seen
It’s hard to hear what is not heard
It’s hard to guard your eyes and ears
It’s hard giving your life up for another
Something stirs within
Won’t let me quit
Grit my teeth, pick myself up
He’s not going out like that
I am not giving up
I am not afraid to take a stand
Put my blindfold on, for eyes lie
Plug my ears, muffling voices of distraction
Suit up
Clear my mind
Listening to the still small voice within
Forward I march
